Tekken, The Biographies
by NerdzClub
Summary: Who killed Brian Fury? How does Panda legally traverse heavily populated urban areas unnoticed? Who or what the heck is Yoshimitsu? Find out the answers to these and more in Tekken, The Biographies, the sequel to Tekken, the Documentary. CHAPTER 3 OUT!
1. Chapter 1

TEKKEN- THE BIOGRAPHIES

Who killed Brian Fury? How does Panda legally traverse heavily populated urban areas unnoticed? Who or what the hell is Yoshimitsu? Find out the answers to these questions and more in Tekken- The Biographies!

1.

A/N Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Dude, you wrote TEKKEN- The Documentary TWO YEARS AGO! You said you'd write a sequel in June 2005! What the hell man? Where were you these past two years?" Well, sorry… I was kinda busy. I suppose that's apology enough, now lets get on with the story, shall we? Also, as soon as Tekken 6 comes out, I am likely to steal a PS3, mug some poor kid of his copy and immediately proceed to completely exploit the game to find something to write about, so don't worry about material yet.

Today's episode of Tekken- The Biographies, is brought to you by…

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This week's episode:

The Death of Brian Fury- as told by some guy who just happened to be there. (Mr. Fury was unable to comment, due to his condition. Namely, not being alive.)

All right, boys and girls, welcome to TEKKEN- THE BIOGRAPHIES! Today we'll explain the assassination of detective Brian Fury.

INTER-POL, the International Police Organization, is the UN's response to druggies all over the world. Brian Fury, who was busted twice for feeding Meth to his drug dog (see note 1 below) ,Was perfectly fit for the job. Having no real criminal record, (note 2) Brian was admitted immediately.

One day, there was a shoot-out in Hong Kong, between INTER-POL, and the OMGWTFLOL, a local drug gang. Every single policeman died.

But this stories not about them. It's about Brian.

Anyways, Agent Fury finds all of his colleagues dead, and suddenly a gunman opens fire on him. Thirteen bullets hit Brian's left side, and three hit his right. The gunman had an obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and had a obsession with even numbers. Wishing to make Brian's mutilated body symmetrical, the gunman pumped some bullets into Brian's left side, but held the trigger an instant too long and ended up with twenty one on Brian's left side. The insanely orderly gunman put some more high-velocity lead into Brian's right side, ending with twenty one on his left and thirty on his right side. Becoming frustrated, the gunman burned out nearly all of his ammo before he forgot to take his medicine and fainted.

Brian's body ended up with fifty-six bullets in his left side, fifty eight on his right, and two near his neck. Seconds later, an ambulance reached him. The hospital worker was quoted on asking, "Dude, are you okay?" (note 3)

Of course, don't feel sorry for Mister Fury. For one, he's been brought back to life by scientific means, and secondly, he'd laugh if this story was about you.

NOTES:

1. Brian was quoted as saying, "what, it's a drug dog! It snorts this shit all the time!". Which, despite it's crude manner, is somewhat true.

2. the drug accusations, murder charges, theft charges, and accusations of having sex with minors were all dropped due to lack of evidence. Namely, all those involved were dead.

3. To make it absolutely clear, no, he was not okay.

A/N This was originally going to be in the prequel- Tekken, the Documentary, but I decided against it because I needed something to hold you guys off until I finish the next chapter, which is much larger and more in depth than ever before….

Join us next week, when we tackle one of the most pressing questions of the Tekken Universe: "Who or What the hell is Yoshimitsu?" It's so profound and deep it will leave many of you crying. Look out for it!


	2. Chapter One

TEKKEN- THE BIOGRAPHIES

A/N Just to make it clear, there will be a new Chapter every week (that's what I said last chapter, several weeks ago… but seriously, this time I'm on it). I really appreciate reviews; it's almost like money to me. Except less exchangeable in the stock market, but I digress.

WARNING- This chapter is a little more difficult to follow than most, but that won't happen too often. Also, if by reading this you can find the secret message I hid in this document and write what you think it was in the review (if anyone can find it, which I doubt unless you're incredibly intelligent), you can win something incredible and intangible called 'Respect'. I will post the answer in the next chapter, because nobody will find the secret message. Or I might post the answer somewhere in the story...

2.

Today's episode of Tekken- The Biographies, is brought to you by…

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And now, dear reader, we address one of the most pressing questions in the Tekken Universe: Who or what the hell is Yoshimitsu, and why hasn't his identity been figured out yet? This is a bit intense, so I guess I better jump into it…

The easy answer would be that he's a freak ninja. But wait a second; he has also appeared in the Soul Caliber series, which wouldn't be a problem… if Soul Caliber didn't take place 400 years before Tekken.

Yes, that's right. The Soul Caliber series takes place in the late 16th century. Is Yoshimitsu immortal? Is he over 400 years old?

Neither.

First of all, if you're alive for more than two centuries, you're goddamn immortal in my book. Hell, I'm not even old enough to drink and I'm starting to feel a little more senile every day. Not much, mind you, but I remember back in the day I didn't need language classes to learn my first language (English, of course), I just picked it up. Now I'm doing college-level Spanish in High School and I'll be damned if I could speak a word of it. Anyway, enough about me…

Yoshimitsu names his sword after himself in Soul Calibur (Yoshimitsu means "Lucky Light", or so I'm told). Four hundred years later, the ninja to be known as Yoshimitsu names himself after the sword that the ninja formerly known as Yoshimitsu named after himself. Exactly why is unknown.

Is everyone that swung the Yoshimitsu sword named Yoshimitsu? That would explain the wide variety of sometimes-festive and often-scary costume changes. It would explain why sometimes Yoshimitsu is childlike, joking around and playing games with Xiaoyu or any assortment of fighting animals with boxing gloves, and other times he's killing former-cop androids with his sword.

Again, back to the costumes. He's looked like a robot in some suits. He's looked like a human with a mask on. He's looked like a skeleton-thing. He has also looked like an alien. What is he? Well, the first assumption is that he is either multiple people or he has multiple identities… or maybe he changes his appearance because that's what ninja do. Hell, if I were a ninja and someone recognized me because I always wore the same black suit, I'd be pretty pissed off. Yeah, that's it.

I've already found a problem and I haven't even finished writing. In Tekken 3 Yoshimitsu's sword, which should be the ancient Yoshimitsu sword, has become a lightsaber-like thing…

Well, I'm sitting around looking for a random clue a la "The DaVinci Code" (which is not a very good title by the way. Leonardo da Vinci signifies that he was from Vinci, it is not a last name. It's like saying "The 'From Delaware' Code", which makes no sense. Whatever.)

"Namu," Yoshimitsu says as I kick Nightmare's ass in Soul Calibur III, as I often do. Well, I wondered what exactly that means. As it turns out, Namu is a Buddhist exultation, like 'halleluiah", that comes from the term "Namu Amida Butsa". This term is used as a prayer for the dead in Buddhism, so in a way Yoshimitsu is considering his enemy already dead. (Which they are, if they're fighting me).

So now I have a lead: Soul Calibur's Yoshimitsu named his sword after him. Also, the SC Yoshimitsu was Buddhist. We also know from his background that he is one of the survivors of the massacred Manji Clan. Great, but we still don't really know jack shit about the identity of Yoshimitsu.

Well, I looked up Manji (on Wikipedia, since I didn't feel like doing any real research at this point. It's getting late, I'm out of coffee. This research project is reaching an end, naturally.). Manji meant several things, such as:

1. Marco Polo referred to the Southern Chinese, who had been recently conquered by Kublai Khan, as Manji. This came from Chinese 'Manzi', "Southern Barbarians".

2. Manji is also the name of a Buddhist/Hindu symbol that the Nazi's later warped into the swastika. This is relevant because SC Yoshimitsu was Buddhist. It is unlikely, however, that he was a Nazi.

Yoshimitsu is probably a name passed down, then, from the owners of the Yoshimitsu sword, which was named this by the first Yoshimitsu from Soul Calibur. We figure that Yoshimitsu from the Tekken series is all the same person, because of the story continuity. Of course, if the story was tampered with, we'd have no way to be sure which Yoshimitsu is the real one, if at all Yoshimitsu exists.

We would assume that ninja's work within a web of deceit to conceal their identities and underlying motives. If this is so, everything that Yoshimitsu tells us about himself may be a lie. Then maybe Yoshimitsu isn't of South/East Asian descent, and maybe he's not Buddhist.

Why stop there?

Maybe he's not human, either. Maybe he's not even a member of the Manji Clan. Thus, the most likely answer is that Yoshimitsu does not exist.

Then again, that's what they want you to think, isn't it?

And that, dear reader, is why we don't know jack shit about Yoshimitsu.

(The Manji Clan may or may not have tampered with this document)

A/N Sorry, that's all I got. I just couldn't reach a definite conclusion. But fear not, reader, because next week I will have definite answers for the next question- "How does Panda legally traverse heavily populated urban areas unnoticed?" Yes, next week! Seriously, seven days (more or less…)!

Stay Tuned!

A/N I admit it. I lied. There was no message anywhere in this chapter (or is there...?). If you tried very hard and left the chapter frustrated and angry, as I'm sure you were, I apologize. If you found a secret message, you probably tried a little too hard (but tell me what it is anyway, I'm interested).


	3. Capitulo Uno

TEKKEN- THE BIOGRAPHIES

A/N Last week, my neighbor brought something crucial to my attention. "NerdzClub," he said (for that's my real name), "why are all of your chapters some variation of 'Chapter One'? Will there ever be a 'Chapter Two' in Tekken, the Biographies?" I pondered this question for a moment, and then I killed him. I don't tolerate blasphemy.

3.

This week's episode is brought to you by…

The State of Utah! Come visit us! We've got… well, there's plenty to see here, such as… well, if you visit us you can… er… um… The State of Utah! Come visit us!

Okay, you're a freshman in High School. Life is good. You found your locker, you're unloading your shit, and now you turn around and there's a very large mammal that passes you (that's certainly not human). After further observation, you conclude that the large beast was not a senior either.

A panda… a full-grown endangered bear is walking freely around the school, stalking a female student (as bears often do?) and nobody seems to mind. What the hell?

Panda, from what we gather, is a student from Mishima Polytechnical School. She is most often seen with her best friend Ling Xiaoyu, and has almost all the same classes with her (except, of course, for AP Biology and AP Psychology, both of which Panda excels in whereas Xiaoyu is sadly left behind).

Panda is also cared for at the school. By "cared for", I mean specifically that she eats, sleeps, and takes karate lessons (I wish I was joking, really I do). Also, one year for a fundraiser the school got students to buy her clothes because Pandas are cute and would never hurt another human being.

Ever.

(Disclaimer: Do not test this theory, it is more than likely to be terrifyingly mistaken. Pandas have been known to maul full grown men apart and play with their innards for fun. They also 'claim' to be herbivorous. We still haven't found Peter.)

Of course, it's not politically correct to ask out loud, "why the hell is a Panda participating in a school system and a fighting tournament?" It is an established fact that Pandas prefer the term "_Ailuropoda melanoleuca-(name nationality)". (I.E. Ailuropoda melanoleuca- American.) _

Despite hearing many theories (from the "claimed to be a mascot" theory to the "mind control" theory, which, although amusing, was equally confusing) no solid facts seemed to be found as to why PETA hasn't torn this school down. Perhaps Panda ownership laws are one of the laws that the policemen don't bother to enforce. Perhaps Panda is actually a legal indentured servant or an immigrant worker (I had a story about this, but I seem to be running short on time, maybe some other time) and had legal papers. Or, more likely than not, those who opposed Panda's stay swiftly disappeared…

…Rest in Peace, Ol' Peter.

A/N Yeah… It's been a long week (it's felt like its been six months, but then I would've cheated on my promise to update next week, so it's definitely only been a week. Except that this week is in September… instead of March). Anyway, I'm not done yet, hope everyone's still in good health and whatnot.

Next week: The mysterious Tekken-language barrier!?

By next week, I mean a week in general. A week from now or a week from then, or perhaps I already released it. Meh, my concept of time is slipping.


End file.
